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MY BLOG: Every day for a year.
Day 94. ‘Because I’m hard work!’

Over the last month or so I’ve been getting a few questions “why aren’t you playing live ?” I’ve only done a smattering of gigs since my surgery but honestly, that’s only part of it. I did my time as a soloist for many years and whilst that can be great, what I love is bringing songs to life with an ensemble of players. In particular, I like bringing my creations to life. Therein lies the problem. I’m work. I’m a lot of work. Jamming it, winging it, the, she’ll be right on the night kinda thing is impossible. If you’re a muso who has played with me reading this you’ll be, “yep.” There have been moments when it has all come together and it has been truly spectacular. I live for those times but there has been nowhere near enough of them. Sooner or later unrest sets in. It can come from a band mates spouse, or it can come from the need to prepare tracks in such detail, or the inevitable requests for me to perform a band mates material, which I would happily do if it suits me and is good but often it’s not a good fit. I’m pedantic and picky. And that’s just with stuff I write myself 🙂 . The crunch came for me last year after another public dummy spit from another musician over an upcoming show. There have been a few over the years and they always put me in a hell of an awkward position. Whilst this person is no longer in my life, it has left a peculiar empty feeling that I have not been able to set aside. I would stress that there have been many wonderful experiences too with some exceptional players, but the team is only as good as its weakest link, and it’s rarely their talent that is the downfall. Not playing is like a fish not swimming, you just end up very still. I miss it very much, and one of these days it might be possible to find my tribe. A group that will trust me long enough to get things really moving and not ask me to simplify my songs after one show. Sticking to your guns can be really hard, particularly as it seems to be a choice of someone else’s way or don’t play. Not that I have a choice, I’m more a sword girl than guns. 🙂 Until then I’ll just keep ticking away in my studio, which is both rewarding and peaceful.

Thank you for listening!
Until tomorrow.
Stevie. x